Love goes both ways Pt 7: Unwholesome talk

Ephesians 4:25-32                 25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  26“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.  28Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.  29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.   31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

James 3:17                             17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

This Ephesians verses brings into specific relief the need to bring the Word into everyday life.  James says that wisdom first is truthful and then peaceable.  Sometimes we don’t like hearing what we need to hear, and the Ephesians verse is a case in point.  We don’t like being told what we do, what we consider normal, is hurtful to other people.  Specifically, we don’t realize the reason lying, stealing, and unwholesome talk are sinful is because they undermine the spiritual health of the community.

Speak truthfully

The call to truthfulness is not merely moral advice; it is theological necessity.  Paul roots honesty in the communal reality of the Church.  Because believers are "members of one body," deception harms not just the individual but the entire spiritual organism of Christ's body (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).  Truth-telling, then, becomes an act of love and unity.  In a world shaped by half-truths and misinformation, Christian communities are called to embody a counter-cultural ethic of sincerity.  But this doesn’t happen very much; as much as we’d like to think we believers are more connected to Jesus and maybe slightly more holy and righteous, we really aren’t.  Statistics show there isn’t much difference between believers and other people.  The divorce rate is about the same, incidences of immorality, cheating on taxes, and other such expressions of our sin nature are all about the same. 

In the world of Jesus’ day, rhetorical skill was prized, and skilled orators could bend facts to persuasion.  By contrast, Paul demands that Christian speech resist cultural norms of manipulation and instead embody sincerity and integrity.  God calls us to shine light into the darkness of the world.  Speech is one way we can do that.

Do not give the devil a foothold

When Paul says “do not give the devil a foothold,” he is pointing out that Satan will use every opportunity to cause division in God’s family.   To lie is to adopt the tactics of the enemy; to speak truth is to reflect the character of God.  And to allow anger to fester opens the door to spiritual danger.  Lying and anger sour relationships, breed bitterness, and invite Satan to exploit the breach.  The phrase “foothold” suggests a tactical advantage, as in military strategy.  One of the meaning of foothold in Greek carries the connotation of place or opportunity1.   Just as an invading army needs only a small breach in a wall to launch an offensive, so too does Satan need only a small crack in our emotional discipline to begin his work of division and destruction.  Paul’s counsel is intensely practical: reconcile quickly.  Do not allow a single day to end with enmity between brothers and sisters in Christ.  This is not only wise relational advice but spiritual armor against the schemes of the adversary.

Do not engage in unwholesome talk

Words are not neutral; they either build up or break down and any person who had a snappy remark made to them knows that the apology doesn’t quite heal the wound.  When a person repents of something said, we believers really have to go to Jesus to find the strength to forgive.  Our flesh wants to hold on to the offense, so it is better to avoid the offense in the first place.  Believers generally know not to use vulgarity and coarse language, but unwholesome speech also includes slander, gossip, and cynicism—anything that diminishes rather than dignifies others.  In contrast, the believer is called to speech that edifies, encourages, and aligns with the Spirit’s work.  Paul’s standard is high: every word must be filtered through the lens of love and usefulness.

But more important than all of this is to remember that the Holy Spirit indwells the Body of Christ, that is, each of us, so we are in effect grieving the Holy Spirit when we engage in unwholesome speech.  In effect, affirming and wholesome speech is itself a form of worship.  In doing these things we are denying our sin nature--picking up our Cross--and allowing Christ to guide our lives.

Ephesians 4:25–32 offers a blueprint for ethical and spiritual integrity in the Christian life.  Speaking truthfully affirms our unity; refusing the devil a foothold preserves our peace; avoiding unwholesome talk promotes mutual edification.  At every point, Paul ties ethical behavior to theological identity: we forgive because God forgave us (v. 32), we love because we are loved, and we build one another because we are one in Christ.  The call is not merely to moral improvement but to spiritual transformation.

What about me?

Ending each day with unresolved anger is incongruent with our new identity.  Christ’s atonement reconciled us to God (Ephesians 2:16) and to one another.  To harbor anger overnight is to live below that reconciliation.  It also undermines the witness of the Gospel in a world that watches for hypocrisy.  Paul’s injunction reflects the kingdom reversal: where worldly rhetoric may wield power through intimidation or deceit, the Spirit-filled tongue wields power through service and love (James 3:1–12).  Speech thus becomes a litmus test for Spirit-indwelling: are our words aligned with the gracious economy of grace?

Believer, is your tongue wholesome?  Is your anger righteous?  Or do you engage in water-cooler gossip?  Or do you hold grudges?  Paul is challenging us to make our walk match our talk.  This is indeed a difficult thing to do.  We often try to put our believing self in a separate box from our real world self.  This is called compartmentalizing, and it is one of the lies of the enemy.  Because God “in Christ” has created one new humanity (Ephesians 2:15) and united Jews and Gentiles into one body (2:16–18), believers must mirror that unity by abandoning falsehood.  Lying fractures community; truth-telling fosters the coherence of the body of Christ.

Believer, I am speaking to myself as much as to you.  God calls to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  As we engage with the world, let’s try to respond like Jesus would.  Let’s love that cantankerous old man because we don’t know what his life has been like.  Let’s turn away, lovingly, from the office gossip.  Let’s affirm and up-lift rather than allowing our words to hurt.

1BDAG, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament